Taking It to the Street
The man-on-the-street interview is an integral part of any self-respecting newspaper, which means that alongside self-respect it has gone by the wayside in modern times. Great filler, it was; take a basic softball question and unleash the public upon it. My old favorite, the Mount Vernon News, used to do one regularly before they moved their newsroom to Manila, beside Buzzfeed’s offices.
Proper format is the opposite of today’s ESPN, which cuts the seconds between a basketball’s launch and its arrival in the net for maximum stimulation of its audience. In any good Taking It To the Street, you can see the answers coming from a mile away and must watch them make the journey, and there is quiet comfort in this, badly needed in 2020. In the spirit of conservatism — true conservatism, which far from not changing simply changes as little as is necessary — we have adapted the medium to the self-isolated realities of the season.
What are you looking forward to most in 2021?
Matthew Eley, Liberally-Educated Handyman
”I’m really hoping this is the year we realize that the internet is a farce that has brought us nothing but economic and cultural wastelands — and return to annoying each other the way God intended: easily-ignored telegrams.”
The Electoral College, Civil Servant
”Candidly, I’m just looking forward to being forgotten. Every presidential election I manage to piss off half the country as either a relict of slave-owning whites or a tool of globalist overlords when in reality, my only intent is to keep Delaware from being overrun by Massachusetts. Delaware, you got your president. Can you stop siccing California on me?”
Men on the Street, Civil Overlords
“Yeah, we’ve got a few more more of these speaker things that loudly announce it’s safe to cross the street starting at 6AM to set up throughout the city. That should occupy the four of us until at least fiscal year 2022.”
Winston the Cat, Domestic Overlord
“I’ve noticed a heightened increase in your usage of the furniture these last few months. I’m looking forward to that decreasing.”
M. J. Bergman, Professional Background Actor
“As a professional actor, I’ve been worriedly monitoring Disney’s takeover of the film industry. We do our own makeup … at this rate, the Star Wars franchise will have a 85% screenshare by next November and I just don’t have the prosthetics. At least there’s still the Marvel Universe.”
Zoom, Communications Intern
“That’s a great question — no, you go ahead. John was saying somethin — no, that’s me. I can’t unmute… Jessica’s the admin, she has to unmu — yes. Sorry, no you go ahead. Hey, this was great guys, let’s… go ahead? No, I was going to say, let’s do this again next wee—”
